There is room for me, there is room for you, there is room for everyone!
~on making room/holding space for ourselves & others
A few weeks ago, i asked someone how to do a very basic task, not because i didn’t know how to (& it’s okay even if i didn’t) but because i’ve probably forgotten (cancelling this out because why do i need to justify?) i felt safe enough to ask them, period. i didn’t feel like it was a big deal. or explain that i might have forgotten or wasn’t sure, i simply asked how to & they gently explained & made sure i understood.
i don’t think i would’ve asked anyone else, i mean it was pretty self explanatory & i could’ve easily googled or give it a try…cos again, self explanatory. but i didn’t even dwell on that, i simply just asked. i didn’t feel the need to appear perfect. i just let myself be. & whether i knew or didn’t know, it didn’t matter. they didn’t rub the fact that it was a basic task in my face either. they simply held space & made room for me, to exist as the flawed & imperfect human being that i am.
Reminds me of one of the names of Allah, Al-Waasi…
Allah is Al-Waasi - The Expansive/Vast/All-Encompassing.
This religion is for us; the struggling, the flawed, the imperfect. It’s vast…there is room for me, there is room for you, there is room for everyone. With all of our struggles, our flaws, our mistakes & imperfections. There is room for us.
We have different personalities, different strengths & weaknesses. There is no one way to Allah. It’s never a one-size fit all. So channel your strengths in the path of Allah. It’s never all or nothing with Allah.
“So connect to Allah with the obligatory, and then use what inspires you from the permissible to go deeper into that love. Just remember that He is vast, and so is His religion. He will accept you. In His mercy, there is enough space for you, with all of your mistakes. There is enough space for your talent. We all have things that are required of us, such as prayer. But Allah is all-encompassing and boundless, He accepts our own journey to Him. You do not have to be the scholar, but you can if you want. You can be the honored cleaner of the mosque. You can be the one in your family that always brings people together. You can be the person known for his or her integrity. You can be like Uways al-Qarni, who was unknown to the people on earth, but well-known to those in the heavens because of his sincerity. Those are all beautiful paths to God.”
show up for the sake of Allah & contribute in your own way. Allah created you as a unique servant of His. ultimately, the goal should always be seeking His pleasure & that can be achieved just by being intentional even in the most mundane activities.
Breathe. Your Lord is Al-Waasi. And His Vastness will encompass you.
A little side note: Although intentions can transform the most mundane activities into acts of worship, good intentions do NOT change the nature of forbidden actions, so wrong/forbidden actions CANNOT become acts of worship even with good intentions.
*Ibn Taymiyah (RA) defined worship as a [comprehensive] term that brings together everything that Allah loves and is pleased with, from the sayings and actions, [both] inward and outward.*
On a related but unrelated note…
When I first thought about this newsletter, it was more of a mental/emotional thing. But I had an interaction that gave me some perspective. I’ve also been thinking of this verse for a while:
“O you who believe! When you are told to make room in the assemblies, (spread out and) make room. Allah will give you (ample) room (from His Mercy)…”
[Al-Mujadila, Verse 11]
As someone who loves her own space, I understand wanting your space more than ever. & while it’s absolutely valid to love your space, sometimes life requires you to make room for others (physically & emotionally).
My takeaway from this verse is that if we make room for others, Allah will make room for us. & if that isn’t beautiful I don’t know what is. In applying this verse, I want to make room both physically & emotionally for myself & others, hoping that Allah will also make room for me.
“my space, my space”
-says someone who will end up in the grave.
*hides face*
On another related but unrelated note…
I think people are so hard on others because they’re so hard on themselves. Perhaps because we don’t make enough room for ourselves to make mistakes, we often don’t make enough room for others to make mistakes too.
Why do we hold so much judgment & criticism at other people’s slightest mistakes. Maybe we need to look within…
On another note, maybe sometimes we need to make room for ourselves & hold that space for ourselves too. By letting ourselves try. Letting ourselves learn, even when others might judge us, we show up for ourselves. i realized that there is always a first time for everything (we tend to forget this, when dealing with ourselves or others).
I’ve also realized that sometimes it’s not like you don’t know how to do something (& even if you don’t it’s fine), but being put in situations that you can be judged will have you messing up for real. i mean what do you expect from a hyper-vigilant nervous system?
I’ve also realized that sometimes we never learn certain stuff because we’re already expected to know how to do these stuff (make it make sense, i thought there was a first time for everything?) But wait a minute, sometimes the expectation is actually from you & not even others. I came across this a few days ago…
On my 28399339th realization i’ve realized that it’s okay if someone else has mastered something, your first time is your first time & that’s very much okay. it’s okay to show up, flawed & imperfect. (and even if you’ve done it so many times, it’s still okay to show up flawed & imperfect).
when your Lord (the Most Perfect) does not expect perfection from you, why should an equally flawed human being expect the perfection that they themselves do not possess?? or why should you expect that perfection from yourself or others?
Read that again & again.
Last one (or maybe not), I learnt while ‘showing up’ if you focus on not messing up, you WILL mess up. so focus on doing the best that you can (with what your circumstances allow), while relying on Allah to help you.
Ease is from Allah afterwards & there is no change of state or power expect through Allah.
it gives me peace that with Allah all i have to do is show up, by trying my best, doing my part & relying on Him. atleast with Allah i can show up flawed & imperfect.
Allah does not expect perfection from you. Do the best that you can with what your circumstances allow you to. Strive for ihsaan - excellence 🤍
So what are you making room/holding space for? (or is it MAKING space?)
Completely random but i just googled ‘holding space’ (apparently it’s correct too, yay i knew itttt), & this is what google says…holding space means showing up for someone, being fully present and without judgment as you sit with that person through their difficult time. You listen fully.
wow i loveeee. such an advocate for vulnerability until it’s time to be vulnerable. Then suddenly it’s…
*AR has left the chat* 🤣
Anyway back to business…
I’m making room for presence, for gentleness, for authenticity, for vulnerability, for making mistakes, for trying new things (out of my comfort zone), for creativity, for emotional regulation, for reconnecting with the qur’an, for exploring different paths, for eating clean, for quality time with family & friends, for healthy boundaries, for accountability (with self & others), for intentionality (to name a few, but wait these are more than a few…did a little brain dump yesterday🤭)
Sharing this so you know there’s really no “right” way to answer this.
May Allah rectify your affairs & that of the entire ummah. Amin.
Please remember to keep the people of Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Nigeria, and the entire ummah in your duas.